ZOMBIES!
by Squid2277
Summary: Follow the unknown survivor of the zombie apocalypse. I wrote this with Pepe Boing Boing, and you can read this story on his name too. We must give credit to Gameinformer issue number 203.
1. Chapter 1

_There is no such thing as safe harbor from zombies. Over the years they've infiltrated peaceful towns, ominous mansions, space, and even Nazi Germany. They can spread their infection like wildfire, survive without their limbs, and they're always hungry. The odds are not in humanity's favor, but if you make the right decisions you might survive the imminent zombie apocalypse._

ZOMBIES! Will you survive the undead apocalypse?

Chapter 1: Help I'm in a Shopping Mall and I Can't Get Out!

OMG!!! ZOMBIE CONSUMERS!!!

Day 1: I met up with a janitor with a walkie talkie. He was short, about 5'2, with a head the size of a bowling ball with mirror up top. He was bald. If you can imagine an elephant stuffed into a fishbowl, you would get a spitting image of this guy. He was armed with a flashlight and a toilet plunger; which was unlucky in our situation. He was my kind of guy. Luckily, I was armed with the only weapon: a stockless Remington 870 with a handle pump. A true man's weapon, with a lot of ammo.

I listened to the janitor's life story for about three hours, so after awhile, I gagged him with his own mop, I shoved it down his throat. And I threw him in his own closet. But this is what I got out of him: "I was born June 20, 1970. I was a thin baby, only about 30 pounds. My mother died in labor, I wonder why? (Seriously?) My father ran away when I popped out, because I think he blamed me for my mother's death. (Are you really as stupid as you look?) So I was adopted by none other than the only janitor in the building. He was a fat man, about 700 pounds, and very jolly. (Living up to the family legacy, eh?) He had white hair and a long beard; and only wore red. (Was your dad Santa ?) I grew up fast and he taught me the ways of janitor…ness? I got married (You… got married… and I'm.. man, I really need to pop the question.) to a lovely whale of a wife named Helga. She was so beautiful… (… no comment) The way her butt wobbled and her fat bounced, it was love at first sight. (yum.) Blah blah blah, blah blah blah… I got new jo-". And that's when the mop entered the walrus.

About two hours later, he found his wobbly way out of the closet. He was mad at me for about another hour and glared at me angrily as he ate about a box and a half of Ho-Ho's. When he finally came to, _and realized, that I was the one with the loaded gun, we decided that in the morning that we should go to the roof. There we would go through the maintenance tunnels, where rescue awaits. _

_Day 2: We took the maintenance tunnel to the roof, where rescue would be waiting for us. We were supposed to leave via helicopter._

_Instead, we left: VIA LAST STAND AGAINST ZOMBIE HORDE!!!_

_I was lucky enough to pop about 20 zombies on the run to the roof. The janitor was able to beat one into the after-after life, but tripped on the stairs and fell. His tiny little legs could not get his fat body off the ground. It was pitiful to see. So I shot him. IN THE FACE!! Which didn't really damage anything because his face was already too ugly to look at. _

_Luckily, the rescue team awaited me on the roof. They asked if there were any other survivors. I shed a single tear. "No," I replied, but I did not add that I shot the janitor in the face._

_And we flew…._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: I am in Space and I can't Get Out

Day 7:

OMG!!! I am in space!!

Space is terrible. You trapped in a never ending night that's, cold, stupid, boring, not fun, ridiculous, trapped in a space suit, and I am really hungry!

So you are probably asking your self, why is he in space? Well the true reason I am in space is not because I felt like it. It is because of two reasons. One being the fact that my girl friend, Hotie (That is what I will call her in this shindig) is here. Two because the helicopter I was in crashed at a NASA place and I pushed the wrong button. (I was dared by the Zit-Boy).

So after many days in space we finally came to the Russian space station where she was. I feel sorry for her because there was a weird Russian dude with an odd beard and well.. Come to think of it….. He smells weird too. He talks about how he was in World War I which is stupid because we would be like a hundred years old.

So me and Hotie met up. Kissed a little and waited tell morning to set coarse for Earth. But all night I kept hearing Russian saying over and over "I was in World War I!!! I was in da Russian armory. You disgrace my country, me, and my wife Shaniqua for saying that." I wasn't really offended, I was to busy think of what STUPID parents would name there daughter Shaniqua! So I just nodded my head and smiled but I was really thinking. You stupid Russian has been in this crummy space for to long and thinks he is like a hundred years old and has a wife name Shaniqua!

Also it looks really cool when you WASTE a zombie in space. They fall down really slow and their blood floats in the air. Its weird looking J.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2: We land in a rural area… meh.

Day 4: We landed in a small town called Royal Town. Definitely not royal. Anyway we land in a cornfield (totally cornless) and meet up with a small group of the military. Four or five men… I could've taken them all. They were armed with SAW's… but no armor. And they kept whining about these inevitable flesh wounds they had due to their lack of armor. Oh waa! So I shot them in the face. They were no help. I checked into a cheap motel and got a room on the third floor. I went down and talked to the manager about their plumbing problems. If I was a dog drinking out of that toilet, I might've died. The manager was Asian, very tall man, and he had a glass eye. I thought I might as well throw in that in a few days we would all die and/or turn into zombies.

I should've seen it ahead of time, but I cued the preachy monologue about the nature of man.

"Let Mushu tell you about nature of man [insert name here]! There no way we die and turn into zombie!" and so on, and so on… So I shot him in the face and stole his glass eye. It was plastic and had a Walmart sticker on the back. Yum.

OMG ZOMBIE HORDE!

After shooting a couple zombies with my pistol. I stumbled upon a large gate that lead to a spooky mansion. On the lock was a round hallo hole. Just to be funny I stuck the Asian mans eye in it. And to my surprise the gate opened.


End file.
